Friday, July 04, 2008
this post is gonna be a ranting post. im so dam sick of everything, studies, track, injuries, teachers breathing down my neck. in particular one certain teacher. i know she juz wants me to do better and achieve my "potential". but are little notes like "u should look for an alternative combination to do better" and "its almost too late for u" gonna help? not to mention picking on me every lesson. when im writing notes u shout look at the board, when im looking at the board u say im daydreaming. i try to be polite and ignore but sometimes even the biasness can be seen by others. to be honest, the only thing thats keeping me going are the friends in school. even life at home seems to came to a standstill. i reach home at 9+ - 10 cos of track, go to my room, lie on my bed and feel so exhausted. sch work and the upcoming prelims (i know its important dammit u dun have to keep reminding me...) and finally a lvls, they all seem so near yet i dun find in me the drive or the ability to sit down and study for it. studying's like a waste of time, marks we get back somehow nvr hit the divine 50+. i've practically given up hope on it.
and being capt of track is one of the most pressurising job of all. everything thrust upon u, expectations become insurmountable. and most of the time i dun feel the stress of running well. its more the stress of getting the team together and having to take the blasting when things go wrong. ppl not listening to advice or instructions, giving rubbish excuses for little things but i juz accept it and pass it on to mr sara and take the scolding. somehow its like a habit alr, being scolded. thank god for ppl who really have made life easier especially shirley, loy and yong wen. really grateful for all the help u guys have given. now its nats, sara things im an idiot cos i didnt get my knee looked at properly, heck i think im an idiot also. he blames the team for not putting in effort and that translates to me not putting in enough effort in the team, which to some extent is true. now runners have screwed up bad, potential medallists gone down the drain and guess whos gonna take the flak after nats. the medals juz dont make up for the shit i've gone through. i'd rather not have them.
guess im gonna have to rewatch "the secret" sometime soon. or find something else in life worth living for.
